~”Welcome to my Blog! Thank you for being here. I hope you stay awhile and enjoy!”~Jen McLennan

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Funny Quotes and Funny Thoughts

I thought for a change I would share some funny quotes instead of my usual motivational quotes. We can all use some laughter or a smile.

As you try your best to juggle with work, kids, family, housework, friends, hobbies and a zillion of other stuff, let some of these funny quotations and sometimes silly quotes relax you and bring some lightheartedness into your day. 

Share these quotes with your friends and let them have a good, hearty laugh too.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
-- Robert Frost
A woman is like a tea bag - you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
-- Erica Jong
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
-- Gandhi
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
-- Winston Churchill
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
-- Wendell Johnson
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
-- Oscar Wilde
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
-- Margaret Mead
Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.
-- Garrison Keillor
Buy land. They've stopped making it.
-- Mark Twain
By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
-- George Burns
By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.
-- Robert Frost
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
-- Mark Twain
Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
-- Josh Billings
Everyone told me to pass on Speed because it was a 'bus movie.
-- Sandra Bullock
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
-- Oscar Wilde
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
-- Roseanne Barr
For some strange reason, no matter where I go, the place is always called "here".
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
Having a baby changes the way you view your in-laws. I love it when they come to visit now. They can hold the baby and I can go out.
-- Matthew Broderick
He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke.
-- Author Unknown
He who laughs, lasts.
-- Mary Pettibone Poole
I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore I am perfect.
-- Author Unknown
I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
-- Author Unknown
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
-- Groucho Marx
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
-- Noel Coward
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
-- David Bissonnett
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
-- Rodney Dangerfield.
I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.
-- Gilda Radner
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
-- Author Unknown
If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts.
-- Author Unknown
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
-- George Bernard Shaw
If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.
-- Margaret Thatcher
If you rest, you rust.
-- Helen Hayes
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
It's better to live one day as a lion, than a hundred as a sheep.
-- Benito Mussollini
I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time.
-- Marilyn Munroe
My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened.
-- Montaigne
My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything - even if you have no clue what you're doing.
-- Jessica Alba
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
-- Erma Bombeck
Never make the same mistake twice or you'll never get around to all of them.
-- Author Unknown
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
-- Mark Twain
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
-- Rita Mae Brown
Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
-- Author Unknown
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-- Oscar Wilde
Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.
-- Charles Bukowski
The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
-- Somerset Maugham
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time.
-- Joe Girard
The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't.
-- Henry Ward Beecher
The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it's bad for you.
-- Issac Asimov
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
-- Helen Hayes (at 73)
The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing.
-- German Proverb
The nicest thing about quotes is that they give us a nodding acquaintance with the originator which is often socially impressive.
-- Kenneth Williams
The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post.
-- Thomas Holcroft
Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
-- George Carlin
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
-- Helen Rowland
To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.
-- Janet Coleman
Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'
-- Joe Namath
When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
-- George Burns
We don't stop playing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop playing.
-- George Bernard Shaw
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
-- Phyllis Diller
When everyone thinks alike, no one thinks very much.
-- Walter Lippmann
When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So, what the hell, leap!
-- Cynthia Heimel
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
-- Elayne Boosler
Whether women are better than men I cannot say—but I can say they are certainly no worse.
-- Golda Meir
Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
-- Carrie Snow
Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something.
-- Plato
Woman are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
-- Oscar Wilde
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
-- Roseanne Barr
Women dress alike all over the world: they dress to be annoying to other women.
-- Elsa Schiaparelli
You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.
-- Author Unknown


Enjoy a great day!

Jen McLennan

3 comments:

  1. I am your newest follower from the blog hop. Please follow me as well. Thank you.

    The Disconnected Writer
    http://thedisconnectedwriter.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for stopping by my blog yesterday. Loving the quotes!

    ReplyDelete

I love to hear your comments! Thanks so much!

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Did you know.................
50% of all illness is due to poor indoor air quality (Source: 1989 State of Massachusetts Study)
AIR FRESHENERS: interfere with the ability to smell by coating nasal passages with an oily film, or by releasing a nerve deadening agent! Toxins in air fresheners include: Formaldehyde: highly toxic, known carcinogen. Phenol: can cause skin to burn, peel, and sweat. Can cause convulsions, coma, circulatory collapse and even DEATH!

LIQUID DISH-SOAPS: is the leading cause of poisonings in the home for children under the age of 6 (over 2.1 million accidental poisonings per year) (contains formaldehyde and ammonia in most brands) One Million poisonings in Canada each year are due to household cleaner ingestion. Some are fatal. The #1 cause of household poisoning is dish detergent. What kinds of chemicals are in those products? http://www.rense.com/general19/chemical.htm

AUTOMATIC DISHWASHING DETERGENTS: contain dry chlorine that is highly concentrated. #1 cause of child poisonings, according to poison control centers.

CHLORINE BLEACH: is a strong corrosive and can burn or irritate skin, eyes and the respiratory system. Can cause vomiting or coma if swallowed! WARNING! Never mix with ammonia as the fumes are very dangerous and can be DEADLY!

AMMONIA: is very volatile and damaging to the eyes, skin and respiratory tract!

FURNITURE POLISH: contains Petroleum Distillates, which are highly flammable and can cause lung and skin cancer!

DRAIN CLEANER: most drain cleaners contain lye, hydrochloric acid or trichloroethane, which are all very caustic. They burn the skin and eyes, and can cause liver and kidney damage.

OVEN CLEANER: contain lye, which is a strong caustic and irritant to skin and eyes. Can cause tissue damage if swallowed.

TOOTHPASTE: can contain a number of harmful ingredients, such as: ammonia, benzyl alcohol/sodium benzoate, colors, ethanol, flavours, fluoride, formaldehyde, mineral oil, plastic (PVP), saccharin. Formaldehyde, mineral oil, PVP, and saccharin are all classified as carcinogens or suspected carcinogen, as is fluoride, which has been banned in many European countries and is the subject of concern with regard to thyroid problems. In fact, as of April 1997, toothpaste is required to carry poison control information on the label as even a small amount can harm or kill a small child.

Occupational Safety & Health analyzed 2,983 chemicals used in personal care products. A personal care product is de-fined as anything we use to clean our bodies, or make ourselves look or smell good.
The results are as follows:
884 are toxic
146 cause tumours
218 cause reproductive complications
314 cause biological mutation
376 cause skin and eye irritations
778 caused acute toxicity

Over the last 20-30 years, as more toxic chemicals have been introduced in greater amounts, the level of toxins stored in adipose tissues (fat cells) of our bodies has risen. Bio-accumulation studies have shown that some toxins store in our bodies for life. Greater and greater amounts are being stored at younger ages. Diseases that used to occur later in life are now appearing at younger ages. Diseases that used to be rare are more frequent. For Example: There has been a 28% increase in childhood cancer since the addition of pesticides into household products. (Source: National Cancer Institute)

In one decade, there has been a 42% increase in asthma (29% for men; 82% for women-the higher rate for women is believed to be due to women's longer exposure times to household chemicals) (Source: Center for Disease Control)

Due to the increase in toxic build-up in our bodies, including the toxic build-up of formaldehyde, dead bodies are not decomposing as fast as they used to. (Source: National Institutes of Health)

There is an increased risk for leukemia in children where parents have used pesticides in the home or garden before the
child's birth (Source: Journal of the National Cancer Institute)

Over 150 chemicals found in the average home have been linked to allergies, birth defects, cancer and psychological
abnormalities. (Source): Consumer Product Safety Commission

In most cases, however, you won't find much information on the label. There are no requirements of manufacturers to actually disclose what is in a product, and there is no regulation or enforcement. All of it falls under proprietary trade secret legislation.

Today, cancer is the leading cause of death for women ages 35-74. In 1901 cancer was considered a rare disease. Statistics show that only 1 out of 8000 people had cancer. TODAY, according to the American Cancer Society, 1 out of every 3 people has cancer. TODAY, 1 out of every 2 people has been touched by cancer. The fear of cancer is on every-one’s mind these days. So many forms of cancer and they all had to start somewhere . . .

How Safe is My Family?
This is the question that every parent should be asking themselves.

We have no choice but to breathe the air, eat the food, and drink the water; but we DO have a CHOICE of what we put on our skin and what products we have in our homes.

I know that I personally do not ever want to believe that I caused harm to my family, when I had the choice to change it. I’d love to help ensure a safer home for your family.

For more information on how to make your home a healthier place for you and your family please go to my website and I will call you with the information. I would love to help you have a healthier safer home!
Jennifer McLennan
www.WorkAtHomeMomJen.com

QUOTES TO LIVE BY!

"To be successful, you must love and believe in what you do! You must have belief in yourself! Anything is possible with belief!"
Written in 2011 by Jennifer McLennan (ME) --- Canada
I truly think if you don't have belief in what you are doing and in yourself, there is no chance in success. But if you do have the belief, all things are possible!

"Life's like a boom-a-rang. The more good you throw out, the more you receive in return." ~Josh S. Hinds

"Treat people how you want to be treated."~Unknown

"Honesty is always the best policy."~Unknown

"No act of kindness, know matter how small is ever wasted."~Unknown

Need to smile? Watch this!

We should All start our day like this :)

Sheryl Crow on Motherhood & Healthy Child Healthy World